Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Reflections on 2012: New Year's Resolutions-2013

Hello friends and family-

I am now a graduate of the University of Minnesota-Twin Cities! I have a Bachelor of Science in Applied Economics with two minors. The Leadership Minor and a Communication Studies minor. It has been the best four and half years of my life and I can't wait for the rest of my life to begin!

Graduating from college has been such a gift and I have all my family and friends to thank! I couldn't have done it without the unlimited encouragement even when finals were kicking my butt or I had a week full of projects, work, while trying to get enough sleep. I began thinking my high school experience and how it was actually preparing me for how awesome college would be. I knew I would be challenged, I knew I would have access to many more opportunities. The first day I walked on the U of M campus, I wanted to start fresh and not worry about my past. I was going to be true to myself and not care what people thought of me. All of these people had never met me and did not have the right to judge. I loved the cities the minute I walked into my first class of 300 people. No more small town gossip and drama, not being part of only one friend group. I could be friends with whoever I wanted.

Four and half years later, I have been to South Africa and back, volunteered four years at four different places, and maintained college professor networking relationships. In the personal growth department, I have become a person I can love and be proud of. I am very happy with where I am, who I am and who I surround myself with. The Leadership Minor's final lessons will always stick with me and I plan to use them this year and for the rest of my life. Thank you 2012 for many lessons and great memories, but 2013 I am ready for you!

Leadership Capstone Concepts:


1 The only thing you have absolute control over is your intention
2 You dont know what you dont know
3 Its all good and its all bad. Its gray
4 Have daily courageous conversations
5 FOLLOW THE JOY





2013 New Year's Resolution's:    *short term-find a job, get a car by my birthday*

  1. Volunteer once a week at Open Arms of Minnesota
  2. Get back in touch with my Quaker Spiritual roots by going to Quaker Meeting as often as I can
  3. Blog once a week on my food blog
  4. Be more artsy-living space, cooking habits, personal appearance, and crafts. 
  5. Be more active!
  6. Use more Living Social coupons: go to more plays and concerts in the Cities! 
  7. Spend more time with all of my wonderful friends, near and far in any way possible.
  8. Stay in touch with my cousins and extended family on a regular basis.

Let me know if you want to help with my resolutions :) 

Happy New Year! Peace and Happiness to being alive....

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Middle of Summer Revelations

Hello Everyone!

I am back physically into my previous lifestyle, but not mentally. I have been spending time at home, at our family cabin, and working too many hours. At our cabin in Northern Wisconsin (Hayward to be exact) I made a South African dinner and displayed my 400+ photos of my adventures. I taught my family some Khosa words and explained what I learned on my trip. I could have talked all night. Since then I have been working on a team of eight to plan the logistics of a three day Leadership Symposium.

Yesterday was the first day and it was busy, fun, and full of laughter. As I was watching people eat and making sure the food would not run out, I had been deep in thought. Kate, one of the Leadership Minor Alum has been working in Tanzania. We talked about South Africa because she also had been on the same trip. It was great to talk to someone who had been on the trip but not part of my group. She had some great questions and could relate to what I was going through. I felt so much better after talking to her and seeing her was great! She loves her work in Tanzania, and gave me hope that I can still go back to South Africa someday. Instead of "If I go back to Cape Town, South Africa, the question is when!"

My next revelation a few hours after this was the realization of who I am right now and how to remember what I learned and how to use it in everyday life. I realized I am not only a U of M student, a leader, a daughter, a sister, a chef wannabe, a dreamer with strong intentions, but an Ambassador for South Africa. Instead of dwelling on what I could have done or what I will do, right now I am focusing on keeping my stories alive and sharing my study abroad experience with as many people as I can. Telling people and inspiring them to go on their own study abroad experience is one thing I can do. No matter what the cost: financial or personal, everyone needs to get out of the country and really see, feel, and share what they saw.

I need to keep sharing and laughing, remembering and pulling those feelings out. I have been hiding how much I miss it. This weekend will be our first of many South Africa Leadership Reunion parties and I am dying to see everyone! It will be great to connect again and get things in the open that people have been feeling.
It is hard to get right back into things, it has been harder than any midterm, or final that I hope I never have to do again. I am still adjusting and will never be done learning and growing from this experience. I am so happy to have had this experience and even though I am pretty broke, I will survive and thrive after this journey of my life.

I love everyone and THANK YOU for the unconditional support.

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Sunday June 5, Free day

Today is our first official free day. Last night we set up a taxi to go to church. I am excited to go back to see our host family. We caught the taxi at 9:20 and got a little lost on the way to JL Zwane but our driver stopped and asked. Once we started recognizing things, we figured it out. We arrived early so we talked with some of our old friends. The singing started at about quarter to 10 and I love this part. The singing is so empowering and beautiful. It makes me want to dance and sing no matter how horrible I sound. The sermon was about listening and being present in the community. One part was about abandoning the mindset around HIV/Aids and the poverty that comes along with it. Spiwo seemed very passionate about this topic today and when he talked to us last Friday. Getting people to let go of the attitude of powerlessness. They can pull through with the strength they have.

After church and a quick lunch at Obs CafĂ©, Aaron, Lindsay, Catherine, Suzie and I went to a local mall in Aaron’s rental car. He was pretty quick for the Cape Town traffic and its craziness. We looked around for a while and got a snack. It was interesting to not have a set schedule and places to be 24 hours of the day. I liked it, yet it was an interesting contrast from the regimented life. Dinner was later on that night and we had some group discussion time. Then bed and on to a new Monday.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Gugulethu to Wine saturday June 4


Today we woke up early to go on a few wine tours. The first tour is Lourensford Wine Estate in Helderberg. It was a gorgeous place and I knew it would be fun. First we stopped and tried some coffee and we needed it. After a long busy emotional week in Gugulethu, I needed some coffee. It was delicious, so I bought some. We were supposed to get a cheese tasting, but there was a miscommunication and it is closed. Next on to the wine tasting. We all were seated at a long table with 3 glasses of wine and 3 chocolates, oh and two biscuits to cleanse the pallet in between wines. We each tried them and expressed our opinions. No one bought any because we have two more to go to today. We hopped back in the big group van to Stellenbosch. The Spier Wine Estate was not just wine but much more! They have a rescue facility for cheetahs, owls, and other birds. Some of the group paid a little extra to go pet the cheetahs. It looked cool, but just being next to cheetahs was enough for me. They are one of my favorite on land animal since doing a project on them in like fifth grade. They are gorgeous felines! I love cats, big cats, small cats, and any cat! We walked through the market to look for souvenirs and gifts. We had lunch at Eight the restaurant in the estate. I had a zucchini soufflé with creamy tomato sauce and it was amazing!!!! A little time to chat and digest then we crawl back in the van to our last stop: Solms Wine Estate in Franshoek. By this time, the wine had gotten to my head, I was a little headachy and tired. At the last wine estate we got a social history and tour of the museum. It was an interesting and rich history, I took some pictures of the mountainous background with the winery as the focus. It was a gorgeous place. Shortly after the tour we sampled 10 wines, some sparkling and one cider. Most of us bought some wine to transport home. All back in the van for a quick nap on the way home. Supper and night blogging in Room 1.

The transition from Gugulethu right into a Wine Tour day was interesting. We were all tired and trying to process everything so it was a good quick transition. But I might have liked a group debrief or conversation after the wine tour or Friday night to talk about it. These feelings are confusing and all mixed up. I am exhausted and emotionally stressed. I want to enjoy the wine tours, but I keep thinking about our host families and all the food parcels we gave to people.

Our group bond has sort of split this week, but also grown stronger in a way because each person has a different way of coping. We can help each other through since we have become closer. A small division has occurred but we are not really sure why. But we are growing closer and closer as a group and it is amazing what we have overcome.

Friday, June 10, 2011

My host family, Suzie, Aaron, Mamela, Titi, and Riise

My list of words that come to mind when I think South Africa:

Spirit

Music

Strength

Poverty

Dogs

Delicious food

Family

Sick

Care-mental and physical

Time

Bit-by-bit

Faith

Patience

Talent

Dedication

Sanitation

Traffic accidents waiting to happen

Smiles all around

Week 2 reflection- Gugulethu

How to Eat an Elephant: Bit-by-Bit

~Spiwo

So the second week of our trip in Guguletu has been up, down, sideways and diagonal. It has been happy, sad, joyous, depressing, and mixture of everything. So I am going to try what I did for my first paper and describe the 6 senses of a human being. The whole home stay experience was everything and more! It was warm hearted, welcoming, thoughtful, and conversational. And many other things including they treated us like family, fed us like plenty of food, and gave us so much hospitality. The food, the new friends, the new family, the food parcels, and the fantastic experiences all over the emotional map.

The smells: The week was a combination of urine, yeast in bread, curry, chicken, rice, trash, musty, moldy, and a strong smell of antiseptic during the hospice visits. My nose was confused because the smell was so dank uncomfortable from last week’s ocean air and seagulls aroma. It just seems that these smells should not be in the same area. People should not have to live in these conditions that lead to mud and mold in their houses, shacks. No one should have to live in a shack. No one.

Taste: This week we had been having the best lunches and dinners at JL Zwane. It was a buffet of deliciousness. Which at times was hard to eat, when people living blocks away have not eaten for 24 hours or cannot afford to feed their 5 children. A few of the culinary aromas and recipes I wanted to bottle up were rice, spicy potatoes, chicken, milk tart, fat cooks, curry, mango juice, tea, and coffee, bacon, and eggs. All yummy foods that I wish I could take back with me. Going back to compare the first week: Riverview’s food is decent, but now having this traditional African food and substantial breakfasts is totally opposite of what we had at Riverview. It is also interesting because I felt like Riverview was trying to make us food that would let the feeling of being at home with American food. They did a pretty good job, but it is an interesting contrast.

Sight: I saw so many things that my mind could not wrap itself around. Seeing people live in little boxes that they called home made me feel continually sad. It was hard to think of going back to my apartment with a bathroom inside, a bed for one person, and only 4 people in a space that is 4 times the size of the shacks. Dogs with no leg or no ear were a common sight. Mud puddles for a road, no bigger than a sidewalk. I saw one house with one bed for 3 people to fit in with a TV and a dresser. Simple lives that people are satisfied with, but sometimes have no food. Watching families on the food parcel day line up for their pile of ingredients was heartbreaking. It was hard, but exciting to see people be excited to get their food, I have never been that excited to get food ever. I was realizing I should not take my food for granted or to have someone cook it for me.

In some families the children would cook for the parents because the parents were sick, or the eldest child would cook for the rest of the children because the parents are deceased. Children laughing, crying, singing, and saying “ulunga” which means white person, was a common occurrence this week also. Being the minority this week was something I never thought I would experience. Kids would chase us and take pictures, want to be in pictures with us, and wanted to know if we knew any celebrities. The singing at church was breathtaking and full of power and strength. It was astounding. We went back to church yesterday because I wanted to hear more singing. At each house party for dinner each night of the week, someone would sing or the radio would be turned on. Sometimes the mood of the music was the soundtrack of our visits. Children at the Rainbow after school program were loud but it was refreshing to see some kids, I have been missing my sisters this week so that help.

Touch: Soft blankets on a warm bed at Titi’s house, more than seven hugs a day by complete strangers, which I love. Touching stories by people so open to share their life stories to a large group of students. The community feeling really came out and it was real. I felt like part of the family and it was confirmed our last night, Thursday night, when Zukile told us we are part of the family now and are always welcome back in their homes. That is when the waterworks started, and then we started singing and dancing. When we were served food at JL Zwane or at the home stays, everything was clean and shiny.

Intuition: new face book friends that I will stay in contact with for sure, family community and I will miss my host family like my real family, the community dynamic is stronger than I have ever seen it anywhere. They share resources such as food and rides to work. The food parcel day really showed the community aspect, but I felt so guilty putting them together and knowing that some people might not get food parcels off the list. People were grateful to receive food parcels and thankful for the help to carry them outside. On the outside Guguletu looks happy and friendly, but on the inside the issue that plague this community have to be tackled bit by bit.

Being in Cape Town the first week and Guguletu the second week has been such a contrast of lifestyles and values. It has been an eye opening, emotional but inspiring week in Gugs. They are two very different places and you would almost think they are not in the same country. Cape Town is full of colorful people and students and working class people. 99% of Guguletu is a black community and all ages are running around living their lives. One of the hard things for me was to see their shacks be about the size of a dorm room for up to 7 people. Seeing them adapt and live in situations that seem so simple, but yet cramped and unbearable was difficult for me.

But the inspiring part was to see the joy and happiness at dinner when all of us were at Noxi’s, Toto’s, or Titi’s house and have us eat a Thanksgiving like meal every night was heartwarming and encouraging. If I were in this situation and had a party every night, I would be in my room on my bed crying. Watching these people push through the hunger, grief of death and dying, sickness, the long commutes to work was making me tired. I would not be able to live my life like that. One other thing that gets me is that when we leave, those people do not go away or get erased; they will still be there when I land back in Minneapolis airport. I am grateful for this experience and could talk to someone for hours about it and they would still not know what I felt or know how to replicate the moment when we gave Kwanele the card for “These numbers have faces.”

One thing I was surprised at but open to was the host families. That first hug from Titi was one of the best hugs I have gotten in a while. This family was so open and willing to share their lives with the students and their life story. It wasn’t perplexing the fact that people were willing to share that much but that some of the stories were so deep and saddening. My other thought is the guilt part of it and my obstacle of getting past it and finding a way to reflect on the “Now What” piece of leadership. I am struggling with how to spread awareness of Guguletu and its issues. Here is where the title of my paper comes in, How to Eat an Elephant, is little bit by bit.

Spiwo said this on Friday, and it hit a chord in my leadership mind. The hunger issue cannot be fixed overnight; it is a sustainable aspect and a nutritional nightmare. None of these issues can be fixed overnight and people think that donating money online will actually end up in someone’s wallet for grocery money. I do not know any stats of how much aid does end up in their pockets, but I feel like it is not that much. And that the money could go to alcohol or drugs is also a question. So my temporary answer is educating people here and in the United States about the stigmatism attached to poverty, AIDS, and the townships. Each issue is a part of the pie and contributes to the reasons why South Africa needs attention from people. And it is not attention is to take the time and read articles on the townships and come visit the beautiful mountain, but spend a day or two at JL Zwane or hospice visits. Medical care is not what it should be and if my mom were here or my grandpa could see how people are getting treated for their ailments, I would hope that we could set up a partnership to have a team of medical personnel.

I am extremely grateful and lucky to have had this experience. And it is not over yet. I am working on not feeling guilty, but thinking of them and listening to the story. Not forgetting this and writing down the details of each story to retell it to my friends and family at home is how I am going to share and reflect on my experience. I just cannot believe the differences between Cape Town and Guguletu, fifteen minutes apart and a world of poverty, family, and the strength of a community to pull through the reality of HIV and poverty.

Day 6 Friday, last day in Gugulethu =(

Today is my last day in the township of Gugulethu and I do not want to leave any of it. I want to bottle it up and carry it home with me, show my family and then get back on the plane and bring them here!

Breakfast at Titi’s-same deliciousness as always! This is our last trip to JL Zwane for this week. The first item today is to visit a township school for the disabled. The Thembalethu School for Children is pretty large school special needs children. We were given a tour of the classrooms and all the resources they provide for the children. They have three buses to pick the children up from miles away so they can have access to a good education. The school got grants for special computers that can help the immobile children to type. The computers have little joysticks/ pointers to help the child choose what he/she wants to do.

After the tour, their choir wanted to sing for us and they rushed out of class any way they could to come sing for us. It was beautiful and each one of them was so excited to sing for us. They were so joyous in singing and happy to be in school. They broke out dancing and clapping, and we started clapping and it was a happy morning. The word Thembalethu means “Our hope.” And it definitely showed through….

Reverend Spiwo wanted to chat with us when we got back so we sat in our circle and he asked us questions. He also wanted to hear how our week has been with the home stays, etc. During this conversation, I started thinking about how our last day, today was the day Spiwo wanted to talk to us. It wasn’t in the beginning when we got there, but at the end of the week. It kind of bugged me at the time, but now thinking about it, he probably just wanted to get the summary of our week. The person who welcomed us was Manelisi, the manager of JL Zwane. He did a wonderful job of adjusting us to the new environment and asking us throughout the week how things were going. Throughout the week our group had reflection times about what had happened during the day, Manelisi sat in and listened to them to observe our reactions. He is invested in us and cared about how at home we felt here at JL Zwane. He is funny and open with us. Most all of us are facebook friends with him and a few other JL Zwane staff.

Back to the Spiwo conversation: We asked him if JL Zwane has regular volunteers. He said that people don’t really volunteer on a regular basis because they expect something in return like meals, or clothing. Then we began talking about the mindset that most people have in this community around poverty and HIV/Aids. “How do you get to the point to believe it, or to overcome it?” This is his daily challenge with leadership in the congregation and community overall. With the food parcels and tourists coming in, people start to expect money or food and not everyone can give that. People pity this community and I do not like it one bit. People should not have to rely on donations to live. They have right to prosper in their own country that they fought for. This country made it through the Apartheid period. They deserve a high quality of life without the worries of HIV, TB, cancer and poverty. It is a mindset that people need to overcome. But the question is how? And I do not yet know the answer to this complex question.

Spiwo wants to change the involvement with women within the congregation. He wants to empower them and give them confidence so they can protect themselves and the people. This can contribute to nation building as a whole as a country. If the people are confident and empowered by God, by life, by whatever, the country can get anything they need.

We brought up the OpenArms of Minnesota partnership. The first thing he said is that it is very hard to manage the partnerships and keep a lasting relationship. The global partners or national partners want a specific time commitment and then they leave. Most of them have not lasted a year. That makes me disappointed in the honesty and reliability of the mission of each organization. The purity of intention is not strong enough and they do not make their feelings known. A quote that stuck out to me from Spiwo: how to tackle the issues of Africa-How do you eat an elephant? A little at a time, bit by bit.

The African worldview is not about materials. The African gift is about self and the gift of presence.

Lunch break, last one, sad face! Charlie a transgender member of the congregation came to talk to us next. We were curious about what support GLBT had in the community and congregation. Charlie told us that during her transformation into a male, she was not comfortable. After the surgeries and full transformation, the community accepted who he was. BUT, corrective rape is still a common occurrence in the area. People think that if you rape a lesbian, she will become heterosexual. This is a cruel practice and I cannot believe it happens. Period. This should not be happening anywhere in the world, let alone in a country where HIV/Aids is prevalent. This makes me sick.

As we say goodbye to JL Zwane, I am sad to see so many people I bonded with and built relationships with behind me. I will miss each and every one of them. I am still processing all that has happened, and this reflection process will not be over anytime soon.

Part II-Dinner and party at Noxie’s


It is our last potluck style dinner with our home stay families and friends. Lots of food, no surprise there and all yummy! We turned on the techno dance music and had a great time! I will never forget that night. Aaron made a speech on behalf of the students thank the host families and their beautiful hospitality. Zukile made a speech on behalf of the host families to display to all of us how much they enjoyed our company and insight. He told us that we are always family and always welcome back in there home. That is when I lost it and began to tear up. Lastly, a group picture and then back to Titi’s for the last night; I am so sad to leave all these beautiful hearts behind. I will miss them dearly for the rest of my life.

Day 5 Thursday in Gugulethu

Suzie’s 21st Birthday!

Today we are taking a trip to a few homes to do hospice visits and watch the nurses clean the wounds. They only do home visits to each house three times a week and not on the weekends. Some of these people do not get their wounds cleaned for 2-3 days.

The first house we stopped at was a woman living with her son and she had had a stroke. She was immobile and her son takes care of her when the nurses cannot come. We were not there for very long because the son had moved her and bathed her.

To get to the second house, we had to drive up a rocky terrain that resembled a road, narrow and full of puddles and deep potholes. The second house was a young man of 32 years who was HIV positive. He had bedsores on his buttocks and his knee. They were down to the bone. I did not go see because I did not want to faint. He was in a dark room that was pretty small again and the house looked like a garage, you would not think someone was living in here until you walked up to it. The garage portion of the house is rented out during nightlife as a shebeen, a makeshift bar. This man is sick in bed right next to people drinking the night away. It makes me wonder if the people drinking know there is someone lying sick only feet away from them? Do they realize the care he needs everyday and that his family is hosting a bar just to pay for the medication?

The nurses and the head nurse was trying to force us to go see his wounds, but I could tell from the smell I was not ready for it. The smell was sickening and I have not gotten the smell out of my nose since. We learned that if the nurses run out of antiseptic they would clean the wounds with saltwater, okay ouch. I cannot imagine the pain and then with saltwater on top of that, sounds just painfully brutal to go through every time they clean. We gave his mom 200 rands to help with what she needed most. While the nurses finished up, the head nurse Lydia went to the van and sat and waited for them. I found this intriguing. She seemed so keen to force us in there and show us how they cleaned and prepped the wound, but waited in the van. I was confused. I am so used to my mom, a Pediatric Nurse Practitioner, to do as much as she can for each person. She makes them feel better any way she can. Hugs, medicine, a shoulder to lean on, unconditional support, and always updating her medical regulations.

Lydia also brought up a surprising point that I had not thought of yet, that they only know of a few people who have open wounds or who are sick enough to be taken to the hospital. But what about the people that are in their shacks and we do not know how sick they are or if they need immediate medical attention. Many, many more are out there, we do not know about, what do we do about the unreported cases of HIV? Or the days when the nurses do not come and his bed sheets are covered in blood and urine and his family is not around to help? One of my other classmates, Megan Gruver is in the University of Minnesota’s Nursing School and she explained to us what the nurses were doing and how it helped. Yet another thing I noticed was that at the clinic my mom works at they will explain to the family how to clean the injury or treat the illness of the patient. Here the mom was outside the room crying when she could be learning how to wrap his knee or wash it gently. Educating the family and others on how to prevent it and take car of would be beneficial to more than one person for sure.

Megan also told us if the family would move him every couple hours, it would keep his body awake and the blood flow strong. This visit brought up a lot of questions for me because my family has always been in the medical field and I have picked up on a few details of how the system should work. Or how I think it should work and every country is different. It made me glum that they did not have the access to great healthcare like we do in the states. Everyone deserves great healthcare no matter what the ailment. We are all human and should have the right to equal treatment and healthcare.

After lunch we went to a rehearsal facility to watch the Siyaya Musical Educational Group. It is a group that sings and puts on plays to raise awareness and tell the stories of HIV/Aids. They sing, dance, and have amazing voices. The director, Bongani Magatyana, told us his story and why he started the group. It was really inspiring after the morning we had. Close to the end, one of the women began to sing “Weekend Special,” which is a popular South African pop song from the 80’s. It was a good end to the day and I was in a generally good mood.